Preciousness

I feel this pressure to figure out my life, what my future looks like, what I might be doing that makes me feel alive in the next five years. This constant questioning at what my purpose here on this earth really is, what I need to accomplish to make it feel full and worthwhile and amazing. I can get so caught up in goals and hopes and daydreams that I often forget to just look at what I have, what is already present, what I have before me. Even as a mother I find myself doing this; when my days feel less my own there is still time to dwell on what my next accomplishment is. Hitting the pause button is good. Taking the time to stop and breathe in all that is beautiful right now. I have a loving husband and a sparkling little son. I have amazing parents, brother and in-laws, friends that are kind, sincere, thoughtful and inspiring. A strong, beautiful home. A fun-loving doggie. My health, the stunning environment in which I live, a creative space. This period of life right now is really so miniscule in the larger life picture. This time with Sam, as he grows and develops each day, is so special and precious and full of curiosity. I went to my last Womentoring event tonight, a mentor/mentee program that I have been part of for ten months. And it was so jaw-dropping to go around the room and share as a large group of women what we have gotten out of the experience, what we have learned, gained, and how we have grown. The power of a group of women always bowls me over leaves me more heartened towards the world. One mentor shared a quote that I can't recall exactly but was about how life is divided into segments and that we have to enjoy each segment, knowing that we will move on to a new one in the future. Basically, being okay with where we are are now. A lesson that is reappearing almost daily in my life. Be here now. With Sam. Not daydreaming about what is to come. It is alright to have goals. It is alright to have ambitions for myself. But when my mind becomes too full of have to's and musts and shoulds and steps to take to get from point A to point B, I end up losing focus on what is right in front of me. The greatest teacher of all. My little son whose smile and whose cry makes my world alive and vivid and personal and present.

I have many more segments to live. This segment of my life is precious. This one holds so many lessons.